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From the Confessions of Banazirius the Younger comes this teuncy tale which only gondhir (IIRC) has heard.

A little conversation with miajesbar and yahvah's story about his first kiss at age 5 reminded me of how banazir became an ordained minister of the Church of Playground Shotgun Weddings.

Yes, I really did do that. Paired up all of the boys and girls in Arlington Baptist's 1st grade class under Mrs. Evans and 2nd grade class under Ms. Eckert. The "best man" was basically the strongest boy - I would have the ushers actually gag the groom so he couldn't object.



SCENE: A blacktop outside Arlington Baptist Elementary. Fall, 1980.

BANAZIR: If there be anyone present - anyone at all - who can give just cause why Danny and Kristin should not be wed, let him speak now or---
DANNY: Mmpphll! Mhhhppplwwllllghwwwwhhh!
LANCE: I think he says she has cooties, Billy.
BANAZIR: --- or forever hold his peace! No? (Sotto voce) Hold him tighter, Nicky. Very well, then. Danny, do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, to love, honor and cherish, for richer or for poorer, in sickness (over DANNY'S smothered screams) in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, as long as you both shall live?
DANNY: (struggling weakly, jerking his head back and forth laterally, trying to bite NICKY'S hand as ADAM clamps his arms) MMMLL!
BANAZIR: (nonchalantly) Kristin, do you... etc.
KRISTIN: Uhh...
KRISTIN'S FRIENDS: (giggling uncontrollably) Yeah, she does!
BANAZIR: Excellent! Then by the power vested in me by Ms. Eckert's class, I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride.
DANNY gets loose, clocking ADAM (last week's victim) on the chin, and bolts shrieking from the playground.


Yeah, I'm going to the special hell. ;-)

--
Banazîr

Comments

( 65 comments — Leave a comment )
narvi
May. 3rd, 2004 04:12 am (UTC)
Maaah!
No, you fool! Do not listen to Groban! He's an eviol eviol man.
banazir
May. 3rd, 2004 07:38 am (UTC)
Josh Groban
Hey, Narvisto! Long thyme, naz bork. How goesa?
Wot's eViol aboat Groban?

--
Banazir
Re: Josh Groban - narvi - May. 3rd, 2004 03:00 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: Josh Groban - banazir - May. 3rd, 2004 03:45 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: Josh Groban - narvi - May. 6th, 2004 07:21 am (UTC) - Expand
masteralida
May. 3rd, 2004 04:28 am (UTC)
ROFLOL!
banazir
May. 3rd, 2004 07:40 am (UTC)
You larf, but...
... consider that if I had been her classmate, your daughter would be a married woman right now.

After I moved away in 2nd grade, I wonder whether the class Shenanigansmeister was a divorce attorney (or judge)...

--
Banazir
Re: You larf, but... - masteralida - May. 3rd, 2004 12:24 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: You larf, but... - banazir - May. 3rd, 2004 12:31 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: You larf, but... - masteralida - May. 3rd, 2004 12:38 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: You larf, but... - banazir - May. 3rd, 2004 12:51 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: You larf, but... - scottharmon - May. 4th, 2004 08:51 am (UTC) - Expand
Meditation time! - banazir - May. 4th, 2004 09:09 am (UTC) - Expand
gondhir
May. 3rd, 2004 07:04 am (UTC)
From the Confessions of Banazirius the Younger comes this teuncy tale which only gondhir (IIRC) has heard.
I'm sure you've told somebody else.
banazir
May. 3rd, 2004 07:37 am (UTC)
Hrmmmmm...
I'm sure you've told somebody else.
Well, I told miajesbar just afore I psotted this, but unless that person was in the caht at the time (sui_degeneris? nobuddy69?), my mom is the noly erson who knows the story. Ms. Eckert certainly had naz inkling.

--
Banazir
Re: Hrmmmmm... - miajesbar - May. 3rd, 2004 04:05 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: Hrmmmmm... - banazir - May. 3rd, 2004 04:59 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: Hrmmmmm... - miajesbar - May. 3rd, 2004 08:11 pm (UTC) - Expand
Heartbreakers - banazir - May. 3rd, 2004 08:56 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: Heartbreakers - miajesbar - May. 4th, 2004 07:50 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: Heartbreakers - banazir - May. 4th, 2004 08:35 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: Heartbreakers - miajesbar - May. 4th, 2004 09:22 pm (UTC) - Expand
Heart-traskers and teuncy weddings - banazir - May. 4th, 2004 10:19 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: Heart-traskers and teuncy weddings - miajesbar - May. 5th, 2004 11:40 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: Heart-traskers and teuncy weddings - banazir - May. 6th, 2004 12:48 am (UTC) - Expand
Re: Heart-traskers and teuncy weddings - miajesbar - May. 6th, 2004 01:22 am (UTC) - Expand
The Blue Fairy - banazir - May. 6th, 2004 02:29 am (UTC) - Expand
Re: The Blue Fairy - miajesbar - May. 6th, 2004 04:43 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: The Blue Fairy - banazir - May. 6th, 2004 07:46 pm (UTC) - Expand
cenire
May. 3rd, 2004 11:10 am (UTC)
Ahahaha! That's priceless.

I actually got married in kindergarten, but entirely voluntarily. I scandalized the whole school because we kissed at the end of the ceremony, but I can't remember for the life of me who conducted it!
banazir
May. 3rd, 2004 11:45 am (UTC)
Kindergarten weddings
I actually got married in kindergarten, but entirely voluntarily.
It's frequently voluntary for the girls.
I remember several actually bringing bouquets and having their maids of honor make veils and such for them.
It was really sweet - or would have been but for the mayhem that the grooms tended to visit on their best men. That and the toads and bugs that the groomsmen tended to show the bridesmaids.

You know what I should have had?
The class hamster as ringbearer - that would have been a nice touch.

I scandalized the whole school because we kissed at the end of the ceremony
Excellent!
Photos of this sort are way teuncy.
I have one such photo of myself at about 20 months (not of me kissing a girl; you may see it here if I can get the kisser, a childhood friend of mine, to send me a scan of his copy).
Thanks for this story, BTW.

but I can't remember for the life of me who conducted it!
Sad, but true.
No one ever remembers the minister. :-/

--
Banazir
cenire
May. 3rd, 2004 11:49 am (UTC)
Re: Kindergarten weddings
If it makes you feel any better, I barely remember the groom! *g* I've narrowed it down to two possibilities, but I truly can't remember who it was.

And come to think of it, the TEACHER might have conducted the ceremony. I'm sure you were far more appropriate!
Re: Kindergarten weddings - banazir - May. 3rd, 2004 12:05 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: Kindergarten weddings - cenire - May. 3rd, 2004 02:03 pm (UTC) - Expand
Creepy - banazir - May. 3rd, 2004 02:29 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: Creepy - cenire - May. 3rd, 2004 05:05 pm (UTC) - Expand
masteralida
May. 3rd, 2004 02:46 pm (UTC)
LOL! You don't remember the 'minister'?

I remember mine. . . Karen's father was a preacher, so she knew all the right words to say.

(oh, and Tommy gave me a furry ring from the gumball machine)
banazir
May. 3rd, 2004 02:59 pm (UTC)
LOL, a FURRY ring!
LOL! You don't remember the 'minister'?
I remember mine. . . Karen's father was a preacher, so she knew all the right words to say.

W00t! Yay for ordination of female ministers!
Ya hear that, yer Cahtaholics?

(oh, and Tommy gave me a furry ring from the gumball machine)
Does JT know about your first husband?
Should I lock this psot? :-D

--
Banazir
Re: LOL, a FURRY ring! - masteralida - May. 3rd, 2004 03:01 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: LOL, a FURRY ring! - banazir - May. 3rd, 2004 03:21 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: LOL, a FURRY ring! - masteralida - May. 3rd, 2004 03:24 pm (UTC) - Expand
Tommy - banazir - May. 3rd, 2004 03:28 pm (UTC) - Expand
zengeneral
May. 3rd, 2004 11:47 am (UTC)
which
which special hell? is it the special hell from FireFly?
banazir
May. 3rd, 2004 11:50 am (UTC)
Re: which
which special hell? is it the special hell from FireFly?
Of course, you xiong1meng3 de4 kuang2ren2. :-D

--
Banazir
:) - zengeneral - May. 3rd, 2004 12:44 pm (UTC) - Expand
Qapla' - banazir - May. 3rd, 2004 02:46 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: Qapla' - zengeneral - May. 3rd, 2004 03:11 pm (UTC) - Expand
Firefly Fans - banazir - May. 3rd, 2004 03:44 pm (UTC) - Expand
Scene: - zengeneral - May. 3rd, 2004 05:05 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: Scene: - banazir - May. 3rd, 2004 09:05 pm (UTC) - Expand
wow - zengeneral - May. 3rd, 2004 10:26 pm (UTC) - Expand
Firefly - banazir - May. 3rd, 2004 10:35 pm (UTC) - Expand
Yes, Re: Firefly - zengeneral - May. 3rd, 2004 11:08 pm (UTC) - Expand
Faith and Begorrah - banazir - May. 4th, 2004 01:40 am (UTC) - Expand
Re: Faith and Begorrah - gondhir - May. 4th, 2004 08:13 am (UTC) - Expand
... - zengeneral - May. 4th, 2004 09:24 am (UTC) - Expand
Trask the WB with great traskings - banazir - May. 4th, 2004 09:36 am (UTC) - Expand
Re: Trask the WB with great traskings - zengeneral - May. 4th, 2004 09:53 am (UTC) - Expand
We few, we happy few, we band of borkèd - banazir - May. 4th, 2004 02:45 pm (UTC) - Expand
oddness - zengeneral - May. 4th, 2004 03:38 pm (UTC) - Expand
Smallville reviews - banazir - May. 4th, 2004 04:03 pm (UTC) - Expand
Re: which - masteralida - May. 3rd, 2004 03:25 pm (UTC) - Expand
Chinese tonal inflections - banazir - May. 4th, 2004 09:22 am (UTC) - Expand
oxbastetxo
May. 3rd, 2004 01:42 pm (UTC)
LOL.
I remember those! Too fun!

Though myself I've only been engaged. ;-) In second grade, I handed one of the senior boys (one of my brother's friends) a ring and told him to give it back to me and then announced to him, since he gave me a ring we were now engaged. ;-)Funny part here is that I ended up baby-sitting his kids years later...hee hee.

I did just get proposed to the other day work. One of the male residents wanted me to quit my job and come home with him. ;-) "You won't have to work any more." Ferry is sweetie, but not exactly my type...kind of that 50 year age difference there. ;-)

What can I say...got a thing for older men. ;-)

Smile!
banazir
May. 3rd, 2004 02:36 pm (UTC)
Re: LOL.
I remember those! Too fun!
Though myself I've only been engaged. [...] Funny part here is that I ended up baby-sitting his kids years later...hee hee.

Ooh, did any of them propose to you?
That would have been... interesting... :g:

I have never gotten engaged, but I have gotten a few proposals - unfortunately, two of them were from hempknight and nobuddy69. Sorry, guys, but it ain't gonna happen. :-P

I did just get proposed to the other day work. One of the male residents wanted me to quit my job and come home with him. ;-) "You won't have to work any more." Ferry is sweetie, but not exactly my type...kind of that 50 year age difference there. ;-)
:-) Aw.

What can I say...got a thing for older men. ;-)
Heh, for me it works both ways (slightly older, slightly younger) - the curse of being a grade-skipper.
Le coeur a ses raisins que la raison ne connait point, as Mr. Pascal wrote (kindasorta).

--
Banazir
( 65 comments — Leave a comment )

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