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A meme worth following

Things that shouldn't have to be said, but still must:

My name is Bill, and too many people I love have survived sexual violence.

I would like all of you who have to know that I'm honored to be your friend. Your courage in living past your experiences to be the bright, beautiful and caring people I know is beyond admirable. I get angry when I think about what you've been through, but who you are inspires and uplifts me.

No pity. No shame. No silence.

(With thanks to misia for originating this meme, to garrity and butterflykiki for the ideal modified wording, and to finabair for the original addendum.
Seen in the LiveJournals of many, including wiliqueen, tv_elf, thanatos_kalos, and finabair.)

Relevant links:
Rape, Abuse, Incest National Network
National Association to Protect Children (PROTECT)

Edit, 14:00 CDT: Like praxes, I have not myself experienced sexual abuse, but have several good friends who have, and the statistics worldwide (not just in the United States, of course) are, IMHO, an outrage.

Edit, 15:00 CDT: A couple of other comments.

I've been checking my LJ friends page today as I work, and one thing I noticed belatedly is that misia had to shut down the thread due to an overwhelming response, mostly from survivors who bravely came forward to express solidarity. However, there was also a few disgusting examples of what John Gabriel called the "Greater Internet Fuckwad Theory" (GIFT) and what I have similarly referred to as "idiots crawling out of the woodwork".

You can read about the GIFT in burkhardt's cogent post about the effects of Internet anonymity (literal and figurative) a while back. Sadly, I think he's got it mostly right, though I think the tide will reverse as the notoriety of being online wears off for some. Having been online since I was 13 (late 1986), I tend to shrug off most of the "net rage", but it still hits me viscerally sometimes to see really awful behavior under the guise of an assumed identity.

I've been on USENET, in some of the most flame-laden newsgroups (not just for SF fandoms such as alt.fan.tolkien but for political and sociocultural communities such as soc.culture.*), and the audacity of the trolls in misia's LJ still strikes me. At first I didn't think the trollage was very bad in her entry, until I noticed that she had already had to set_ban a few dozen of them in the first 24 hours.

Oh, and remember: starve a troll, feed a hobbit.


Several respondents in misia's thread, and suricattus, noted that action rather than pity, even sympathy, is a more appropriate response. As the child of a person who once took such action on behalf of a survivor, I just wanted to voice my agreement.

As another PSA, the National Association to Protect Children (PROTECT), which I just learned of through the above thread, seems to be another worth while organization to support.


--
Banazir

Comments

( 12 comments — Leave a comment )
chandra
Aug. 3rd, 2004 03:52 pm (UTC)

Wow! I, as you know, am a survivor. That was a great post she did. Thank you for sharing!
banazir
Aug. 3rd, 2004 05:15 pm (UTC)
Wow! I, as you know, am a survivor.
:nod: Was thinking of you, among others, when I propagated the post.

That was a great post she did.
Yes, it was, IMHO.

Thank you for sharing!
Oh, thank the others above to whom the idea really belongs.
And thank you for passing it along.

--
Banazir

neadods
Aug. 3rd, 2004 05:00 pm (UTC)
Does a persons desire for notice and attention really over ride their inner instincts against assclownery, or are they really just an ass inside and once the veneer of accountability is removed the true self comes out.

Watching the responses to "No pity. No Shame. No silence." is fascinating in a sociological sense, because it's allowing me to do sort of a field guide to trolls.

Some are trolling as defense - denigrating the abuse stories because otherwise they are too scary to think about. These are the trolls who are saying "helpful" things like "we all have our own pain" and "don't dwell, it's unhealthy" and even "you weren't hurt that badly." Schmucks, but seeing only the veneer of rationality in their posts.

The others - while hiding behind a screenname removes the veneer of accountability (great phrase!) I think there are two motivating factors. One is not connecting the little dots of phospher with actual people. It's like shouting at other cars on the road without taking into account that there's a person at the wheel. The other is the joy in hijacking something that is powerful and meaningful and making it all about MEMEMEMEME! Munchauseen by Internet.
yahvah
Aug. 3rd, 2004 05:42 pm (UTC)
I think "Troll" is a shitty word.
banazir
Aug. 3rd, 2004 05:54 pm (UTC)
Overloading
It's a blanket term for anyone who utters provocative comments, but it doesn't really recognize grades of malice.

For example, you write plenty of provocative posts, some mischievously, but I wouldn't say that they are malicious, for the most part. I think that some of your posts could be considered "trolling for a reaction" (the origin of the term), but that doesn't begin to describe the ill will - the sheer evil - that underlies some of the replies to the above thread.

--
Banazir
yahvah
Aug. 3rd, 2004 06:02 pm (UTC)
Re: Overloading
None of my posts in religious communities are ever "trolling for a reaction".
banazir
Aug. 3rd, 2004 06:20 pm (UTC)
None of my posts in religious communities are ever "trolling for a reaction".
Well, you're the best judge of that.
What would you say your primary purpose is? (In convert_me I would expect you to say "proselytization", but elsewhere?)

--
Banazir
yahvah
Aug. 3rd, 2004 06:26 pm (UTC)
Jesus said in the last chapter of Matthew...
18 And Jesus came and spake unto them, saying, All power is given unto me in heaven and in earth.
19 Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost:
20 Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you alway, even unto the end of the world. Amen.


banazir
Aug. 3rd, 2004 06:40 pm (UTC)
*bows as one full answered*
That answers my question; thanks.

--
Banazir
banazir
Aug. 3rd, 2004 08:33 pm (UTC)
Motivating factors for today's netcreep
Does a persons desire for notice and attention really over ride their inner instincts against assclownery, or are they really just an ass inside and once the veneer of accountability is removed the true self comes out.
Watching the responses to "No pity. No Shame. No silence." is fascinating in a sociological sense, because it's allowing me to do sort of a field guide to trolls.
Now there's some taxonomy I haven't the patience for.
Torogology was never my strong suit, and you know, there's a reason I never became a field biologist. ;-)

Some are trolling as defense - denigrating the abuse stories because otherwise they are too scary to think about.
Precisely. I've seen enough physical abuse, including racially-motivated violence (which I have experienced, though it was mild because there were witnesses), to affirm that truth is sometimes ugly. Uglier than the light of day sometimes reveals, anyway.

These are the trolls who are saying "helpful" things like "we all have our own pain" and "don't dwell, it's unhealthy" and even "you weren't hurt that badly." Schmucks, but seeing only the veneer of rationality in their posts.
Which doesn't make any sense, because in most of these cases it's coming from people such as me, who haven't been there. The above comments aren't just invalid when the writer isn't qualified by experience: it's severally

a) dismissal by association or comparison
b) speaking for others (most often when the speaker is not a clinical practitioner, either)
c) both

"Veneer" is right. It's meta-irrational. I don't presume that a survivor is helpless in her or his suffering, and I don't assume that she or he is or isn't embittered and angry. We can't guess, statistically speaking. Caring and patience is the best we can do - besides taking action for justice (which is another story).

I think it's partly a denial mechanism, and partly a desire to assess hurt by recalibrating it to one's own system of reference. Which, again, makes about as much sense as me trying to figure out whether childbirth is really that painful.

The others - while hiding behind a screenname removes the veneer of accountability (great phrase!)
It does, and it is a great phrase. The underlying jerk or nice girl or guy shines through, all right.

I think there are two motivating factors. One is not connecting the little dots of phospher with actual people. It's like shouting at other cars on the road without taking into account that there's a person at the wheel.
Absolutely. Familiarity may breed contempt, but certainly impersonality raised to the Ackerman of googleplex does. (Well, OK, I'm exaggerating a tad bit. ;-))

The other is the joy in hijacking something that is powerful and meaningful and making it all about MEMEMEMEME! Munchauseen by Internet.
Oh, yes. For which reason, I thought about not posting this thread at all, as I'm really unqualified to have more than a concerned friend's opinion about it, but the homo sum: humani nil a me alienum puto kicks in about there. I just hope it propagates to and through those of my friends who have some experience of it (and it already has, so for what weal there may be, I'm grateful to the original authors).

And I'd heard of Munchausen syndrome before, but never knew exactly what it was, nor heard of Munchausen by proxy, until you mentioned it.

Welcome to my friends list, BTW.

--
Banazir
burkhardt
Aug. 3rd, 2004 09:49 pm (UTC)
I think the tide will reverse as the notoriety of being online wears off for some.

Everyday, everywhere someone is getting online for the first time. As the ones who are currently doing it grow beyond it, the younger ones grow into their assery.

It's like virus writers. The recent german youth who was responsible for what like 46% of the big ones last year was 17. He is nearing the end of the virus writers career age. Once they get into their early 20's they move on to other things out of boredom, or if they were really that good to begin with IT security departments hire them on.
banazir
Aug. 3rd, 2004 11:10 pm (UTC)
Trolls grow up so fast (or not)
Everyday, everywhere someone is getting online for the first time. As the ones who are currently doing it grow beyond it, the younger ones grow into their assery.
Sad to think of it. But there's a point of saturation at least as a social phenomenon, for bloggers, IM, and any mode of internet communication devised to date. This can and will change as new technologies emerge, but first things first.

It's like virus writers. The recent german youth who was responsible for what like 46% of the big ones last year was 17. He is nearing the end of the virus writers career age.
I remember being a virus maven at 15-16... the difference is that I was actually in a good university CS program and working on virus detection research (got my first paper out of that).

Once they get into their early 20's they move on to other things out of boredom, or if they were really that good to begin with IT security departments hire them on.
:nod: Well, we've come a long way from the heyday of LoD and L0pht, but not all that far.

--
Banazir
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