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The worst joke in the world

Warning: illegal punning in a built-up area. Cross-posted from this entry in teunc, so don't trask me if you've heard it already.

Once upon a time there was a cetacean institute at SeaWorld. It had dolphins, whales, orcas, etc. They were world famous for their water show, but the orcas and dolphins aged quickly in captivity. So they hired a genome scientist whose specialty was mammalian aging to see if he could prolong the lives of the animals born at the institute.

The geneticist researched for years and years and made and amazing discovery. "A transgenic mutant line can be created that will be virtually ageless," he promised.

"That's amazing!" exclaimed the owners of the theme park. "What animal's genes will you splice with our cetaceans'? Human? Land mammals?"

"Oddly enough, a species of exotic bird called a mynah," he replies. "But I'll need several dozen for this, and only one particular species will do."

So they go to East Asia to capture enough specimens for the geneticist. They find the rare birds in a nature reserve. The species they need is highly endangered, and only a few hundred survive in the wild. As they are trying to get the birds, the get driven off by a pride of lions. They try to figure out a way to get past the lions without killing them. Finally they come up with an idea: they set a drugged water buffalo free and let the lions pull it down. The lions eat and eat and lie down to sleep.

"Success at last!" cry the bird poachers, and rush in, but the game warden of the park has been watching this and arrests them.

The charge: transporting mynahs across sedated lions for immortal porpoises.

I first heard a variant of this from Misha Voloshin in 1998. I think the porpoises were just sick in that one; the transgenic part is my recent embellishment.

Running like Angband,



( 13 comments — Leave a comment )
Dec. 18th, 2005 02:40 am (UTC)
omg lol.

i love lame jokes like that. ;)
Dec. 18th, 2005 03:10 am (UTC)
Lame-a-zoids HO!

*high five*

Dec. 18th, 2005 03:14 am (UTC)
Re: Lame-a-zoids HO!
...and, although i really don't care for the whole willy wonka 'thing', i do very much like that bouncy little icon of yours ;) fabulous.
Dec. 18th, 2005 03:17 am (UTC)
Yep, same here!
Well, I like Johnny Depp and I like the old Willy Wonka, though I have never actually sat through either rendition.

Here's my other "happy" icon.

Dec. 18th, 2005 03:18 am (UTC)
Re: Yep, same here!
well, i've never doubted your taste! :D

<3 calvin and hobbes.
Dec. 18th, 2005 03:20 am (UTC)
I need me a pirate icon, is what

Say, did I tell you about tanelos, my Nanowrimo?
I should really post to julianmayfans - it's May homage of orgiastic proportions, what with all the metapsychic powers and all.

Dec. 18th, 2005 06:48 am (UTC)
Oh God!! That's brilliant!! *loves*
Dec. 18th, 2005 07:44 pm (UTC)
Glad you liked it!
Your icon rocks, big time.

May I use it as a "geeky" or "dorky" icon on my GreatestJournal, or as a "funny" or "laugh" icon here? I'll be sure to credit you in both places.

Dec. 28th, 2005 04:00 am (UTC)
Re: Glad you liked it!
*hasn't been on the computer for a week so sorry for the delay in reply*

Sure! Have at :)
Dec. 18th, 2005 02:17 pm (UTC)
The variant, instead of mynahs, is hung squirrels, and instead of sedated lions, was spayed lions.

As a dolphin trainer, you notice one of your dolphins is sick. No one knows what you need to cure the dolphin, so you summon a witch doctor for advice. He says that if you get the blood of a particular squirrel, your dolphin will not be sick anymore, or ever. In fact, he will live forever.

So you go through these jungles looking for this type of squirrel, and happen to find out that these squirrles of enormous genitalia. In any event, you capture the squirrel and start heading back.

On the way back you notice a lion that's sleeping. By contrast to the endowed squirrel, you notice this lion has no genitalia of any kind.

So, as you quitely step over the lion, a game warden shows up and arrests you.

The charge: transporting hung squirrels across spayed lions for immortal porpoises.
Dec. 18th, 2005 03:47 pm (UTC)
Wow, a winner is you
That's rather worse. LOL!

We really beat the flesh off that dead horse!

Dec. 18th, 2005 07:22 pm (UTC)
The version I'm familiar with has a punchline of "trasporting young gulls across state lions for immoral porpoises". I think this one is a little bit punchier.
Dec. 18th, 2005 07:45 pm (UTC)
"So much setup, for so little reward," lamented the students I inflicted this one upon. Bwaha! >:-)

( 13 comments — Leave a comment )

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