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Gropapanda

Courtesy of the Jester collaborative filtering system and the unaccountable tastes of a Jedi hobbit:

A Panda bear walks into a bar, sits down at a table, and orders a beer and a double cheeseburger. After he is finished eating, he pulls out an automatic and riddles the place with bullets. Patrons scatter and dive under chairs and tables as the bear runs out the door. After ensuring that no one is hurt, the bartender races out the door, and calls after the bear: "What the hell did you do that for?" The bear calls back, "I'm a Panda bear. Look it up in the dictionary."

The bartender returns and pulls out his dictionary.

panda : \Pan" da\, n. (Zoöl.)
A small Asiatic mammal (Ailurus fulgens) having fine soft fur. It is related to the bears, and inhabits the mountains of Northern India. Eats shoots and leaves.


Some more TEUNCmusiks:

Helen - "Libera Nos A Malo", Ligabue
Lisa Virmigle - "Under The Sea", Disney

--
Banazîr

Comments

( 25 comments — Leave a comment )
(Anonymous)
Jun. 12th, 2003 02:04 pm (UTC)
In a similar vein....
A real Kiwi eats roots and leaves.

Denise
banazir
Jun. 12th, 2003 05:09 pm (UTC)
Re: In a similar vein....
If taht's somethink tilde-ish, as a Borg Neskimo Newok Fwemen wrote, my in nosense compels me to compwehend it knot...

--
Banazir
(Anonymous)
Jun. 12th, 2003 07:24 pm (UTC)
Re: In a similar vein....
Well, sweetie, if you suspect that it's tildeish, you're more than halfway there already!

Specifically, it's Antipodean tildeishness.

I can tell Alatar that I'm rooting for her to get a good job, and that's fine. ("Go team, go team, rah-rah-rah!")

However, if I tell Dlanod that I'm rooting for him to get a good job, he's going to wonder how I'm going to manage to sleep his way to the top.... (This holds true for New Zealanders as well as Australians.)

Now, that's the verb "to root."

Care to take a guess as to what the noun "root" means?

Right..... Same finely-crafted area, slightly higher elevation....

Are you cranberry red yet?

Denise, who also tested out as a fwuffy bunny.....
banazir
Jun. 12th, 2003 07:30 pm (UTC)
Re: In a similar vein....
Well, sweetie, if you suspect that it's tildeish, you're more than halfway there already!
Mais, harfwaz where?

Specifically, it's Antipodean tildeishness.
[snip]

Oh, taht. Nicloe Kidman made a big p6int of explaining this one to David Letterman once, b'sides which, I maz be innosensed, but knot exacterly ignunt of Antipodean accents (I just avoid letting Dlanod and Gran hear my Steve Irwin impwession too much).

Are you cranberry red yet?
Why should aye be?
(Ack! Hokaz, hokaz... just put taht lipstick awaz! Yeesh!)

Denise, who also tested out as a fwuffy bunny.....
As Ala said: Yay, more fwends!

--
Banazir
(co-conspirators, even)
istari_ala
Jun. 14th, 2003 01:38 am (UTC)
Re: In a similar vein....
In the last version of your joke that I heard, "shoots" was a lot more tildish.
banazir
Jun. 14th, 2003 09:29 am (UTC)
Re: In a similar vein....
How... inequitable...
*nirg*

--
Banazir
istari_ala
Jun. 14th, 2003 12:41 pm (UTC)
Re: In a similar vein....
*gets out dictionary (the big one fro bana-conversing)*

unfair? unjust? Woosh!
banazir
Jun. 14th, 2003 12:44 pm (UTC)
Re: In a similar vein....
In the last version of your joke that I heard, "shoots" was a lot more tildish.
The second word was a lont more tildeish and the first wasn't?

--
Banazir
(i'm expraining tildy interpretations to a wizard? oy)
istari_ala
Jun. 14th, 2003 01:06 pm (UTC)
Re: In a similar vein....
The second word was a lont more tildeish and the first wasn't?

Twas ackshually, bunt you wern't tlacking about what the kiwi was eating...mmm...

i'm expraining tildy interpretations to a wizard? oy
Nah, just big words. (and I still don't nunderstand)
banazir
Jun. 14th, 2003 03:47 pm (UTC)
Re: In a similar vein....
Twas ackshually, bunt you wern't tlacking about what the kiwi was eating...mmm...
Knot the kiwi, which is lal tildy nazwaz - the panda...

i'm expraining tildy interpretations to a wizard? oy
Nah, just big words. (and I still don't nunderstand)
Well, if the panda was eating food and then switched to being tildy, that would be ruther slefish and unfair, nesupasu?

--
Banazir
(now i'm writting panda pron?)
istari_ala
Jun. 15th, 2003 01:11 am (UTC)
Re: In a similar vein....
Knot the kiwi, which is lal tildy nazwaz - the panda...
But my point was the panda is tildy too. Hence me piggy-backing Denise's thread.

Well, if the panda was eating food and then switched to being tildy, that would be ruther slefish and unfair, nesupasu?
Why? Does this mean I can't play footsie when you buy me dinner in Edinburgh?

now i'm writting panda pron?
Eru knows they need it!
banazir
Jun. 15th, 2003 10:12 am (UTC)
Re: In a similar vein....
But my point was the panda is tildy too. Hence me piggy-backing Denise's thread.
Fair enerf.

Well, if the panda was eating food and then switched to being tildy, that would be ruther slefish and unfair, nesupasu?
Why?
I suspect you're plazing wit me now, but to be 100% clear, I meant that it would be ruther unsporting of the panda to eat in the non-tildy sense and shoot in the tildy sense. Hence "inequitable".

Does this mean I can't play footsie when you buy me dinner in Edinburgh?
Wlel, unless my mutant, hairless, un-hobbit-liek feet dknot bother yew. Moi, I'm so embarrassed by them that I've taken to wearing shoes.

now i'm writting panda pron?
Eru knows they need it!
Thesa isa twoo.

--
Banazir
istari_ala
Jun. 15th, 2003 02:42 pm (UTC)
Re: In a similar vein....
I suspect you're plazing wit me now, but to be 100% clear, I meant that it would be ruther unsporting of the panda to eat in the non-tildy sense and shoot in the tildy sense.
*blink* *reread* *blink* whoosh!
banazir
Jun. 16th, 2003 12:27 am (UTC)
Re: In a similar vein....
*blink* *reread* *blink* whoosh!
Well, strop me with a curtain cord and call me a werefrog!

This from the wizard who coined the idiom
exsistentialist percombobulate antiprohibitionarianism whipmawhopmagate postcunnilingualisation? :-o

--
Banazir
istari_ala
Jun. 16th, 2003 02:28 am (UTC)
Re: In a similar vein....
It's knot the tildes that are throwing me, but why you consider it 'unfair'.
banazir
Jun. 16th, 2003 09:34 am (UTC)
Re: In a similar vein....
*blink blink*
I'm knot thrying to be boscure, honest! #-)

It's unfair acos the panda is more concerned with its own gluttony and pleasure than its partners.
(Sexual ethics of Indian red pandas on a Monday morning is a lille surreal, and that's a fact.)

--
Banazir
istari_ala
Jun. 16th, 2003 10:07 am (UTC)
Re: In a similar vein....
I think the word you were looking for is 'selfish' then. Or 'male' ;)
banazir
Jun. 16th, 2003 12:09 pm (UTC)
Re: In a similar vein....
I think the word you were looking for is 'selfish' then.
Yerp - I used that term a while bax in the thread.

Or 'male' ;)
Hrm, now, that's a ruther broad brush.
Don't be putting us lal in one bin, hrm?

--
Banazir
istari_ala
Jun. 16th, 2003 12:31 pm (UTC)
Re: In a similar vein....
You said "slefish and unfair". It was lal the 'unfair' 'unsporting' 'inequitable' that was confuzzling me.

Or 'male' ;)
Hrm, now, that's a ruther broad brush.
Don't be putting us lal in one bin, hrm?

Aww, don't worry Bana. When I said male I boviously didn't mean you ;)
banazir
Jun. 16th, 2003 01:46 pm (UTC)
Re: In a similar vein....
You said "slefish and unfair". It was lal the 'unfair' 'unsporting' 'inequitable' that was confuzzling me.
Ohh. Hokay.

Aww, don't worry Bana. When I said male I boviously didn't mean you ;)
O_O
Umm... thanks... I think.
(Was that s'poseta be a compriment?)

--
Banazir
istari_ala
Jun. 12th, 2003 03:24 pm (UTC)
Hmm, that's a bit of an old one fro me. I could tell you Alamum's sewage worker joke, but being a hobbit you're prolly eating.
banazir
Jun. 12th, 2003 05:10 pm (UTC)
Aye was, but go ahead, shoot (but dknot leave).

--
Banazir
istari_ala
Jun. 18th, 2003 05:36 pm (UTC)
you asked fro it
A sewage worker is in ther sweres with his appretice an starts boasting hw he can tell who every turd belongs to.

"That one" he says, "belongs to the butcher."
"How can you tell?" asks the apprentice.
"It's got bits of swadust in it that have come from the floor of the butcher's shop" the old guy replies.

"And that one", the old sewage worker contuinues, "is from the pet shop owner."
"How do you know?" asks the apprentice.
"it's got bits of birdseed in it from the shop" the old guy replies.

"Oh" said the apprentice, starting to understand, "and what about that one?"
"That's easy" said the old guy, "it's my wife's"
"How can you tell?" asks the apprentice.
"It's got my sandwiches tied to it"
banazir
Jun. 18th, 2003 05:39 pm (UTC)
Re: you asked fro it
... acos he flushed them?

--
Banazir
(or did i miss the punchline?)
istari_ala
Jun. 21st, 2003 01:31 am (UTC)
Re: you asked fro it
... acos he flushed them?
she (the wife), yis. impyling she send him his lunch that way every day

or did i miss the punchline?
Possibly you're just knot used to jokes like this

<Tralala> "it's got my sandwiches tied to it"
<Gondhir> That's disgusting!
* Denise wonders about alamum sometimes....
<Tralala> *giggle*
* El_Conde_Penguino unsure whetehr "disgusting" or "VERY diusgsuitng" ... ;-)
<Tralala> ah, the woman who raised me
* Pimeestara doesn't get it...
<Gondhir> 'Splains a lot...
* Tralala goes copy it into banazir's journal as requested
( 25 comments — Leave a comment )

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