Banazîr the Jedi Hobbit (banazir) wrote,
Banazîr the Jedi Hobbit

  • Mood:
  • Music:

Computer questions, April Meme and Prank Aggregator

Salvation is in sight! Well, OK, no it isn't, but if I don't start seeing some results soon, I will uninstall Vista and put XP Pro back on Hirilonde, so there, nyah.

Thanks to all who have helped with previous ones, which I posted on:

Nobody replied to my last query, but try_and_die replied in statements and says that the latest Beta 2 ("Community Technology Preview 5342") build of Vista has some audio driver fixes for Dell Inspiron notebooks such as ours.

Here's my fortnightly update:

  • 1. More Windows Woes: I'm going to try Vista CTP 5342 and see which of these it fixes.

  • 2. Windows applications problems: Vista still crawls on Fireworks 8 for some reason, but my Win2K bluescreening problem on Numerramar has inexplicably gone away. It was probably a destabilizing application interaction that went away once I stopped using one or both of the offending apps.

  • 3. SQL servers: I'm using Oracle 10g for now, while I talk to MySQL and the local administrators about getting a certified server license.

Now for the new questions:

Less memory-intensive variants of Photoshop, Word, Powerpoint, Firefox?

Besides OpenOffice and The GIMP, what do you all use when you're on a Windows machine that is short on RAM? I have 1Gb RAM in Hirilonde, and it's just not cutting it with Windows Vista. Right now, I have the following apps open:

  • Mozilla 1.7.12

  • Firefox

  • Fireworks 8

  • Windows Media Player 11

  • Penguinet 2.23

  • Notepad

  • a single Explorer windows

  • Task Manager

My commit charge is a modest 1466Mb. Over the course of a couple of days, it will bloat to 1.7Gb and then 2Gb before starting to bog down entirely. I bought two 1Gb DIMMs from, but currently Vista has MAXMEM set to 1024Mb, and I can't for the life of me set it to 2048Mb. Ergo, I need some memory-saving programs.

Text-mode application sniffers for IM and shells

Does anyone know of plug-ins for instant messaging (AIM/ICQ, YIM, MSN, Google Talk, or multi-IM programs such as GAIM and Trillian), IRC, or SSH clients that can monitor what scrolls up on your screen and pop up an alert or play a system sound if a certain hotword or hot phrase is typed? For example: "hello Dr. Hsu" and the like, typifying an initial greeting? I would also like to be able to detect "good night/night!", "ttyl", "bk", and "bha, you're idle". ;-)

Turning off things in Windows

I'd like to turn off the following:

  • Microsoft Office Professional 2003 Speech Recognition configuration: Every time I start up Office 2003, I get a "set up speech recognition" dialogue, and I can't do anything with it because I have no way to input sound (Vista Beta 2 build 5270 doesn't work with headphones on Dell Inspiron notebooks).

  • The touchpad on my Dell Inspiron: all it does is register spurious cursor movement and "double-tap" clicks, when my mouse or trackball is plugged in. I really, really, really want it off!

  • Dead profiles in Mozilla: Why do we even have to have profiles? In any case, in Mozilla 1.7.12 (not Firefox, which I use for all my hsuwh/banazir business), I often get my profile spuriously locked, wherein the browser asks me on startup whether I want to create a new one (requiring re-importation of my bookmarks and manual deletion of the old one). Renaming does not help. What do I need to delete to get rid of the lock and make the profile usable again?

And now, the pranks I've seen today:

ETA, 17:45 CST Sun 02 Apr 2005 - a few more:

And now for some memes:

Dictionary definition of `banazir':

<td align="center"> banazir --

An alien

'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at</td>

Mmm, pie:

You Are Pumpkin Pie

You're the perfect combo of uniqueness and quality
Those who like you are looking for something (someone!) special

Tags: april fools day, computer problems, computer questions, humor, memes, pranks, windows vista

  • Post a new comment


    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.