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Yay/Boo Review of The Return of The King

Wlel, aye yam bax (from the cinema).

Wow.
In a word: breathless.
Many Yay, some Boo, some relief, a lille confuzzlement.


Boo: Empty Isengard.
Comment: So is Saruman completely cut or is he in the SEE DVD? What aboat Wormtongue? That's quite a continuity problem! Loose ends are OK, gaping plot holes the size of the rift in the ground fater the fall of Barad-dur? Bha.

Yay: The flashbax we've lal heard about.
Comment: Blink and you'll miss it.

Boo: Incessant references to "the fat one"
Comment: It's knot as if Sam is the fattest hobbit in the Shire! The Fellowship is pretty lean as hobbits go.

Yay: Watchtower message to Aragorn
Comment: Watchtower fires are so, liek, Mulan, d00d. :-D I gnu they'd do something like this acos I fogured the Company would regroup longer at Edoras.

Boo: (slightly) Gandalf/Denethor dialogue
Comment: From wot I memember, this was rilly goond in the Boonk. "For I laso am a Steuard". Hrm. Oh, wlel.

Yay: Faramir/Denethor dialogue
Comment: Right on target, right down to the "think better of me".
Yay: Pippin as knight of Gondor
Comment: Was he unable to memember "until my master release me, or death take me, or the world endeth" or was he jsut hesitant?

Boo: (big Boo) Denethor goes into hobbit-mode, intercut with the charge of the Light Brigade
Comment: Theirs (chomp) is knot to raisin why (glomp), theirs (glup) is but to do (ulp) and die (chomp-munch)

Boo: Bana going lal postal on Smeagol
Comment: Call me a liar! *punch wham beech-slap bam trask* You're the liar! Liar, liar, liar!

Yay: Bana falls bax upon the lembas
Yay: Indi-Bana Gamgee and the Tower of the Spider's Pass
Comment: The whole Shelob sequence acksherly works. Why again couldn't this have been in TTT, minus 15-20 minits of Helm's Deep? Laso, Trippy tricked me into thinking that Hobbiton Gamgee killed a dozen orcs - 'twas noly four or five ("and that one's for my nold gaffer!").

Boo: Gandalf the Shao-Lin monk in melee fater melee
Comment: Just so's Pippin could "save" him? Gandalf the White was decidedly mlorat in this film.

Yay: Gandalf's sparkling neyes
Comment: "That Frodo is alive"... "just a fool's hope" - Sir Ian McKellen can wink withoat moving his neyelids. Cllo.

Yay: The Paths of Palmolive (with Extra-Foaming Gween LalienDeead Action)
Comment: This was a very nice touch. "You will suffer me!" and the svurd of the ghost king - cllo. Mais, aye thot Earnur woz the lsat King of Gondor, knot Isildur.

Yay: GROND! GROND! GROND!
Comment: You are soldiers of Gondor! Even though yew can glimpse the big flaming battering ram adn the loonycorns adn the Olog-Hai... um! Fight to the deeath!
Yay: Unicorns
Comment: OK, the "great beasts" pulling are unicrons. Trippy, I owe you five crystal flokarinos. Rhinokil, Morgil calls them. :-P

Boo: Shadowfax sealing Denethor's fate and the falling spark
Comments: Why is there a little "Steward's Leap"? is it the Gap of Gondor?

Yay: Giant mumeckil
Comment: I didn't think I'd like them, but they are rather cllo.

Yay: Eomer's mumeck-slaying luck-shot
Boo: Legolas's mumeck-surfing
Comment: I'd heard a lot of "Leggy dies" rumors, including some being propagated in LJ icons (perhaps they just meant "no more Legolas after this"). I didn't believe them, but it made Legolas's survival both satisfying and anozzling. Was there a conspiracy to spread these?

Yay: Trasking of the Witch-king
Comment: Right on target ("it'd better be" was what we were lal saying)

Yay: Scrubbling Boobles!
Comment: The Scouring of Minas Tirith, is wot.

Yay: Aragorn's Braveheart speech
Comment: Not bad! Rilly!

Boo: I have no Mouth and I must search
Comment: Sauron as a searchlight and bugging oat is even worse than Sauron as a giant flaming hmm-hmm. Bha.

Yay: Frodo claiming the Ring
Boo: Gollum in a pool of Kool-aid
Comment: Apparently it doesn't hurt to bathe in lava if you are holding the One Ring... even the T-1000 did some screaming... sheesh.

Yay: Teunceing fatermath
Comment: ... but aye've gont to give a lille Boo to Aragorn and Legolas's civvies. Wot wot with the sleeves? And why the fade oat?

Yay: (lille Yay) Arwen weeding
Comment: So, um, Aragorn wauted a coupla minits instead of three months. If he can father Eldarion at age 150, more power to him.

Yay: (lille Yay) Big-neyed confuzzled pheriannath being braised with gret braise
Comment: I memember there being a snog here and knot at "sinome maruvan"

Yay: (big Yay) Shirelings' "Toast me!"
Comment: Merry's "woah" - "woah, finally" or "woah, he's rilly oat of his league! aye gnu eet"? Yew be the judge. ;-)

Yay: Pippin catching Rosie's bouquet
Comment: Diamond was cut acos PJ couldn't find someone with the right accent. Heh.

Yay: The Red Boonk
Yay: Aged Bilbo (I mena, Gollum)
Yay: The Grey Havens
Comment: As promised, not a dry neye in the house. Wow. Powerful.

Boo: (teensy Boo) Wot, no appendices atoll? ;-)
Comment: Too much to expect; knot too munch to ask.

Summary: Lal in lal, breathtaking in its scope and spectacle. I had been conditioned to expect a strong visceral impact, and I certainly felt it from the snippets of Many Partings and the Havens, but the complete excision of the Houses of Healing, the Steward and the King (dare I hope that either of those will be restored?), Theoden's funeral, and several other key scenes made the film very heavy on combat (as usual) and surprisingly light on dialogue. Alan Lee and John Howe had better get two gold man each or Han will be very ,very mad like SAURON when his black house crush dwon.



[22:08:52] <Banazir> lol - I did this global replace of <b>Boo</b> with <font color="red"><b>Boo</b></font>
[22:09:10] <Banazir> Adn accidentaly psated: <b>Yay</b> with <font color="green"><b>Boo</b></font>
[22:09:21] <Banazir> So now when I edit it keeps reverting to Green Boo
[22:09:32] *** Banazir has changed the topic on channel #teunc to It's the DEEAD I tell ya! Green Boo!


--
Banazîr

Comments

( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
wondergurl_77
Dec. 23rd, 2003 04:53 am (UTC)
lol, my comments were much the same as yours :) Although, I didn't mind the references to 'the fat one' hehe. The eye thing with Sauron really drove me nuts though, and I was really expecting to see his mouth and the 'discouraging' mithril armour on display. Also, what about Denethor's palantir? And Saruman... I thought for sure they'd have some minor scuffle back at the Shire; it'd have been long but I thought it'd be too much to leave Shire untouched.

Sigh... but it was good :) It was close... one really can't complain. I hear they bring out The Hobbit next. *spins*
banazir
Dec. 23rd, 2003 05:23 am (UTC)
lol, my comments were much the same as yours :)
Glad to hear it!
Most teuncs seem to concur on a lot of these...

Although, I didn't mind the references to 'the fat one' hehe.
/me points at his nick. ;-)
Although it was cute, even coming from Gollum. I heard that at one point, Peter Jackson instructed Elijah Wood to stick Sting under Sean Astin's chin and EW replied, "which one?". Poor guy. :-P
Hey, did you see the SEE DVD? At the end of the Actor's Commentary version, Dominic Monaghan and Billy Boyd read the credits in "Whose Line Is It, Anyway?" style.

"Sean Astin... FAT."

The eye thing with Sauron really drove me nuts though, and I was really expecting to see his mouth and the 'discouraging' mithril armour on display.
Indeed.
Hey, even Frodo keeps a couple of swords on his wall.
But perhaps Sauron didn't want to be reminded of those times. :-)

Also, what about Denethor's palantir?
Perhaps it was launched at General Piggy after his death dive?
I don't know - there doesn't seem to be any hint of how his madness was inspired!

And Saruman... I thought for sure they'd have some minor scuffle back at the Shire; it'd have been long but I thought it'd be too much to leave Shire untouched.
Well, the omission of the Scouring is old news dating back to around the time FoTR came out, but I still expected to see some hint of Wormtongue. I will be surprised if the SEE DVD includes nothing to tie up Saruman as a "loose end", but I hope it isn't the rumored scene where duels with Gandalf, falls on a wheel, and gets impaled.

Sigh... but it was good :)
It was close... one really can't complain.

Oh, I agree. More satisfaction than disappointment, for me at least.

I hear they bring out The Hobbit next. *spins*
Probably The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe first.
Any idea why HP3 got postponed until June, 2004?

--
Banazir
scionofgrace
Dec. 23rd, 2003 05:05 pm (UTC)
From what I've heard, Houses of Healing, Voice of Saruman, and the Mouth of Sauron are all being restored to the movie in the DVD. I have no such hopes for the palantir of Minas Tirith. ::sob::

As for Sauron himself... someone described it as his "best lighthouse impression." lol
banazir
Dec. 23rd, 2003 08:41 pm (UTC)
Holy White Tree, Batwoman!
From what I've heard, Houses of Healing, Voice of Saruman, and the Mouth of Sauron are all being restored to the movie in the DVD.
So aye fogured.

I have no such hopes for the palantir of Minas Tirith. ::sob::
"Yeah, but who wants to see a pair of aged hands withering in flame anyway?" - Peter Jackson
(Hrm would that be "a blur of hooves, flame, and the onrushing ground" now? :-P)

As for Sauron himself... someone described it as his "best lighthouse impression." lol
It was boviously the Bat-Signal.
He was calling for his old girlfriend, Thuringwethil.

--
Banazir
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )

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