In past yeats, we've seen a lont of teuncy Avril Fllo's jokes, mostly from a lellow moodwagin, who related a poignant tale of depwession in 2001 and appeared as an incipient entwife in 2002 (in one of the cleverest reverse-psychology pwanks I've ever heard of).

Now, I'm lal fro AF, but this yeat I simply have no thyme to be flloed! Sew, consider yourelf to have temporarily convinced me taht yew:

• eloped with a rhinoceros who loonks liek Colin Firth


• gave up the violin, that instwument of the Devil


• gont a pwoposal of mawwidge from Bret McKenzie, who fofered to adopt lal your Norns too


• kept playing handball with a sprained hand and fwactured wrist and now have to have your hand amputated and replaced with a bionic one


• coonked a TEUNCling who will now appear as "bouncing" infedinately (or go "luurjking")


• have transtated an Islamic text tracing the Prophet's acnestry to Isa


• used the CHOKLIT sword to behead the careless driver who wrecked your bike


• had your Ph.D. revoked acos of too mnaz tyopes in your dissertation


• acidentally (real tyope) p6isoned your husband while making dinner


• developed Old English Tourette's Syndrome (hwæt!) or even Entish Tourette's (burarum!)


• were picked up by the mothership of green laliens


• became an interstellar war criminal when you shot a bunch of green laliens who loonked liek Fedayeen in your night vision googles


• quit your job despite your recent pwomotion and raise


• have retired as the foficious writer of flames in AFT and have become the giver-of-hugs instead


• discovered that your dog is the reincarnation of Gustav Klimt


• decided to write your Ph.D. dissertation about (and in) Quenya fater lal


• harmed a kitten, or, through inaction, allowed a kitten to come to harm


• were banned by name from a Danish restaurant for a comic strip


• embedded subliminal "send CHOKLIT" messages in a digital audio recording (about sweet cream soda pop)


• found the plans for Saddam's inter-bunker network on Grokster


• are conspiring with two blarongs and a dragonk to kill a Jedi hobbit at DCMoont-2003


• found a SIKRIT Taliban level in Diablo 2


• excavated the lost city of jinZ and discovered the Silmaril of Suleiman Ben-David


• found and saved the obituaries of Dr. Science and the Green Man


• baked the world's largest ANZAC biscuit


• wrote a psot that was NOT confuzzlee (and brilliantly hilarious)


• outraced an airport parking lot shuttle (to the Ford) on horsebax


• showed up in Murkia to protest the business practices of software giants


• rebuilt the SIKRIT underground lair... in Utrecht


• took your sparkly sense of adventure into the SIKRIT underground lair


• legally changed your name to your IRC nick


• were fired from TORn for leaking information about the Gimli-Éowyn love story, which PJ did put into RoTK


• were restored to the throne of Balrog Cuttings


• were kicked by the Count for flooding the #teunc caht


• compiled a video titled "TEUNCs Gone Wild" during Spring Break


• sued GW for using Celaeno's toxic waste in their dwarf paint


• played "Werewolves of Angband" at a filk-fest (no, wreally! yew know yew want to!)


• have established conclusively that your namesake in The Lord of The Rings was neither a Dwarf nor an Elf, but a Hobbit


• wreally do know an Earthling named Fred Nerg


• went and pohtographed (and met) banazir's colleague in Gdansk


• deluurjked to psot a second message


• returned from Alfantol to give D6 some CHOKLIT and lead that panda-tour


• wrote a computer game titled The SIKRIT of Nomanisan Island


• made a movie about a day in the life of an AFT regular...


• convinced a Jedi hobbit to stop making incomplete lists! :-)


• are quitting the K-State CIS grad program to become a professional a cappella musician

Oh, wot a gret AF joke! Boy, did I get taken!

--
Banazir