Banazîr the Jedi Hobbit (banazir) wrote,
Banazîr the Jedi Hobbit

Preemptive April Fooling...

In past yeats, we've seen a lont of teuncy Avril Fllo's jokes, mostly from a lellow moodwagin, who related a poignant tale of depwession in 2001 and appeared as an incipient entwife in 2002 (in one of the cleverest reverse-psychology pwanks I've ever heard of).

Now, I'm lal fro AF, but this yeat I simply have no thyme to be flloed! Sew, consider yourelf to have temporarily convinced me taht yew:

  • eloped with a rhinoceros who loonks liek Colin Firth

  • gave up the violin, that instwument of the Devil

  • gont a pwoposal of mawwidge from Bret McKenzie, who fofered to adopt lal your Norns too

  • kept playing handball with a sprained hand and fwactured wrist and now have to have your hand amputated and replaced with a bionic one

  • coonked a TEUNCling who will now appear as "bouncing" infedinately (or go "luurjking")

  • have transtated an Islamic text tracing the Prophet's acnestry to Isa

  • used the CHOKLIT sword to behead the careless driver who wrecked your bike

  • had your Ph.D. revoked acos of too mnaz tyopes in your dissertation

  • acidentally (real tyope) p6isoned your husband while making dinner

  • developed Old English Tourette's Syndrome (hwæt!) or even Entish Tourette's (burarum!)

  • were picked up by the mothership of green laliens

  • became an interstellar war criminal when you shot a bunch of green laliens who loonked liek Fedayeen in your night vision googles

  • quit your job despite your recent pwomotion and raise

  • have retired as the foficious writer of flames in AFT and have become the giver-of-hugs instead

  • discovered that your dog is the reincarnation of Gustav Klimt

  • decided to write your Ph.D. dissertation about (and in) Quenya fater lal

  • harmed a kitten, or, through inaction, allowed a kitten to come to harm

  • were banned by name from a Danish restaurant for a comic strip

  • embedded subliminal "send CHOKLIT" messages in a digital audio recording (about sweet cream soda pop)

  • found the plans for Saddam's inter-bunker network on Grokster

  • are conspiring with two blarongs and a dragonk to kill a Jedi hobbit at DCMoont-2003

  • found a SIKRIT Taliban level in Diablo 2

  • excavated the lost city of jinZ and discovered the Silmaril of Suleiman Ben-David

  • found and saved the obituaries of Dr. Science and the Green Man

  • baked the world's largest ANZAC biscuit

  • wrote a psot that was NOT confuzzlee (and brilliantly hilarious)

  • outraced an airport parking lot shuttle (to the Ford) on horsebax

  • showed up in Murkia to protest the business practices of software giants

  • rebuilt the SIKRIT underground lair... in Utrecht

  • took your sparkly sense of adventure into the SIKRIT underground lair

  • legally changed your name to your IRC nick

  • were fired from TORn for leaking information about the Gimli-Éowyn love story, which PJ did put into RoTK

  • were restored to the throne of Balrog Cuttings

  • were kicked by the Count for flooding the #teunc caht

  • compiled a video titled "TEUNCs Gone Wild" during Spring Break

  • sued GW for using Celaeno's toxic waste in their dwarf paint

  • played "Werewolves of Angband" at a filk-fest (no, wreally! yew know yew want to!)

  • have established conclusively that your namesake in The Lord of The Rings was neither a Dwarf nor an Elf, but a Hobbit

  • wreally do know an Earthling named Fred Nerg

  • went and pohtographed (and met) banazir's colleague in Gdansk

  • deluurjked to psot a second message

  • returned from Alfantol to give D6 some CHOKLIT and lead that panda-tour

  • wrote a computer game titled The SIKRIT of Nomanisan Island

  • made a movie about a day in the life of an AFT regular...

  • convinced a Jedi hobbit to stop making incomplete lists! :-)

  • are quitting the K-State CIS grad program to become a professional a cappella musician

Oh, wot a gret AF joke! Boy, did I get taken!


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